"The Sport I can't Live Without"

FHM Girls Of Music
November 2000

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: The Darling of Ibiza - luckily still in a bikini

Words: Chris Bell
Photos: Sean McMenomy
Article printed November 2000 issue of 'FHM' magazine

For every man on earth, his first celebrity crush still occupies a special place in his heart. Even now, we still think fondly of that inaugural fantasy woman who kickstarted the hormonally-charged world of adolescence. For some of you, the image of a mud-splattered Goldie Hawn completing an assault course in Private Benjamin is still clear in the mind. Get your father started on the subject and, blinking back tears, he'll recount how Brigitte Bardot did not always resemble a cat-loving walnut - but was once a lithe, pouting, blood-pounding sex kitten. Even your grandfather will remember how a mere glimpse of Betty Grable's "great gams" meant a brisk run around the playing field and a cold shower.
For the average FHM reader, however, the eye-shadowed horror of the Eighties threw up some curious alternatives. The superficial man would lean towards the bountiful Daisy Duke from The Dukes Of Hazzard - perhaps dreaming of being kicked in the bottom like the policeman in the opening titles. Some of us may still have pictures of shock-haired Toyah Wilcox squirreled away - to this day ignoring the fact that her biggest hit song cruelly required her to sing "It'th a mythtery" repeatedly over the chorus.
But for the more discerning pubescent viewer of the Eighties, a different fantasy figure stood on their pedestal: Janet Ellis. Hidden behind the sticky-backed plastic and famine appeals of Blue Peter, her faintly posh femininity radiated like a burning lighthouse. From her fabulous chunky jumpers, to the delightfully adolescent way she bit her lip when fiddling with double-sided sticky tape - or that time she...
"God - not you too!" Her daughter cuts FHM off mid-reminisce with a dark scowl. "I've had this all my life - loads of men I know fancy her." Point taken. But when you're as eminently desirable as Sophie Ellis-Bextor, you really shouldn't worry. As lead singer of now-defunct indie band theaudience, her elfin features made her a pin-up for long-jumpered navel-gazers across the nation. Now, with Italian DJ Spiller and the Posh Spice-trouncing No.1 hit single Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) the 21-year-old's become a goddess of the clubbing scene - in doing so, ironically taking hold of the teenage fantasy baton herself. Who knows - at this rate, the nation's men could be periodically obsessed with different Ellis-Bextor women for years to come...
"I'm not sure about that," frowns Sophie. "Then again, I've got three sisters - so yeah, go for it! I think my best feature is my waist - and I've got my mum to thank for that hourglass look. It's a nice Ellis trait: my grandmother was the same."

You could also pass on Blue Peter badges - a keepsake to future generations...
Possibly. I used to have hundreds, but I've only got two left now. They gave me a new one twice a week, but I was a bit stupid: I gave them away and sold them. Worse, I never got a gold one - you had to earn them. I got a bit stroppy about that.

Otherwise, did you suffer for having a famous mum?
Sometimes. In my infant school, for instance, there was an "Against Sophie Club", just because my mum was on the telly. Kids can be so cruel: once, they put stones on the branches of a tree and shook it when I walked past - but they fell on the girl behind me. You had to laugh, really.

Unless you're that girl, of course. Mind you, afterwards you went to Godolphin and Latymer - an extremely posh private London school...
But no! There was a part of the school that was quite rich, but my friends preferred clubbing and meeting boys. We were the Tarts Of Hammersmith, really. We used to slap on the make-up, hitch our skirts up and wear shirts a size too small. Our year was the worst they'd had for a while. Even when we left, we got loads of porn magazines - really disgusting, hardcore porn - and stuck them up all over the school. It was terrible. Even the little eleven-year-olds saw it. But I wasn't part of that; I was busy throwing wet knickers into the headmistress's office.

How pleasant. Do you still have your uniform - perhaps for "adult fun" reasons?
Yes I have. And, I have to admit, I tried it on for that exact reason not very long ago - but it's really unfoxy. Girls assume they'll look sexy wearing them. But mine is not that kind of uniform. Plus, I must have been bigger then, as it's not tight on me anymore - just a bit loose and crap. And the shirt's covered with signatures from my schoolmates. I was so disappointed.

You're not the only one. You once described yourself as "big head, big face, big bosoms"...
Ha ha! - I did, didn't I? Actually, my head isn't as big as I thought it was. I've found I can fit into smaller hats than most people. Weirdly, though, I've found that a lot of famous people all have slightly bigger heads in proportion to their bodies. It makes them look quite striking when they're on TV.

Oh? Perhaps head size is proportional to fame - maybe Paul McCartney secretly has a head like a satellite dish.
Ha ha! So he's always overbalancing in a high wind! Perhaps so. Debbie Harry, for instance, has a very large face. I mean, she looks wonderful, but you do notice when you're close up - her hairstyle is very big. And Madonna too...

...Who did, of course, replace you at No.1...
Yes - by a measly 1,006 copies. If it was an election, we'd ask for a recount.

Where were you when you heard Spiller was No.1?
In a crappy Swindon service station in the rain, would you believe. We pulled in while travelling back from a gig in Plymouth, at the same time as an all-girl hockey team arrived. I was a little baffled myself. Worse, I was on penicillin for a throat infection, so I couldn't drink. I got back to my flat and remembered I had no champagne, no beer - just a single microwaveable baked potato for one. How glamorous.

Indeed. But you're massive in clubland, have you tried your hand at DJing?
Only once. I went to see Billy (Reeves, songwriter from theaudience) who was playing The Garage club in Camden. Standing in the DJ booth, my boobs accidentally rested on his turntable - and completely stopped the music. I was so embarrassed. Still, it could start a new craze of topless DJing. It'll be on cable TV within a year.

Sounds brilliant. Now you're big and famous again, do you have any insane stalker fans?
We had more hardcore fans following theaudience. I think our manager screened the more pervy stuff from me - but I did once get sent this little red box, with a bow on top. Inside was some mouldy Creme Eggs - but with the foil peeled off, reversed and neatly folded back on again! There was also a Queen of Diamonds playing card with the eyes crossed out, and a hairclip that someone had chewed. Not rude - just very, very scary.

What's the best rumour you've heard about yourself?
Apparently, I'm going out with Andy from Big Brother - that was just hilarious. And the Daily Sport did an expose of some fake pictures of me - and stuck my head onto some woman. She was half-dressed in a PVC corset and G-string, but my face was so smiley, it just looked stupid. I have to admit, though, when I glanced at it I did think, "Ooh - when did I do those pictures?" As did my mum. She thought I'd done it all while she was away on holiday.

So you don't go for the PVC corset, or the thong?
I'm certainly not a thong girl - they're too uncomfortable. My favourites are my Norwich City FC knickers. Actually, because of the FHM shoot, I knew I'd have to do my bikini line - but I had been so busy, I completely forgot until the night before. So I got out of bed and put my Norwich City knickers on backwards - the bum at the front - so I'd remember the next morning.

Inspired. So what did you go for? The Mars Bar? Wizard's Beard? Or the Full Brazilian?
Ha ha! Golly - this is all new to me. The Brazilian's a bit extreme. I just wanted to feel comfortable in bikinis. A trim of my own creation, if you will.

Have you ever gone commando?
I wore an Alexander McQueen dress in the Groovejet video, and you couldn't wear anything under that. I remember sitting in this Bangkok shop during the shoot, which was slightly raised above the street. Suddenly, this woman started shouting, ran over and threw a towel over me. There were police outside and everything. I thought I'd fallen out of my top, or been sitting with my legs open in front of the whole street. But it was just that my shoulders were exposed - still a taboo for some Thai people.

So were you arrested?
No - but I do seem to have made a habit of unsuspectingly exposing myself. I nearly had a disaster when I went to the première of Snatch. I was wearing this gold chainmail-type top, and the strap broke just as I was leaving. And thank God it went before I stepped outside. You can't wear anything underneath it - so if it had gone, my boobs would have been falling out in front of all the cameras.

Or indeed, in front of Michael Portillo. We heard you'd brushed shoulders at the same première...
Yes. He's another one with a peculiar face - up close, it is so rubbery. I couldn't take my eyes off it. He thought I was in films - but I just said, "Actually, I'm a singer at number one at the moment." He just looked really embarrassed. With his squidgey face.

Of course, your father works for Prince Edward - so you've actually rubbed shoulders with royalty...
Well, I've seen him hanging around the office. Actually, I stole his video of Grease. He gets sent loads of videos, and I thought the chances of him watching it were pretty slim. So I swiped it from his desk.

Really? You can be hanged for that you know.
Actually, you probably shouldn't know that. I'm sure my dad cleared it afterwards. At least I hope he did.

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